When I received training to do my husband’s dialysis at home, I was told I could nick the artery where the needles went in and I wouldn’t be able to stop the bleeding. It would mean a trip to the ER, and he could possibly die from it. Nothing like knowing you could cause your husband’s death.
Then it happened. An ambulance took him to a small, local hospital. The doctor admitted he’d never dealt with this before. Tommy lost a lot of blood before they got him sewed up. It was 3AM when we were released and I was already beyond exhausted on a daily basis from taking care of him.
They should have given him blood. I should have known they needed to. It was a week later before he got some and a week or two after that, he died. No one has ever said that incident had anything to do with it, but I wondered if it did.
Was I responsible for my husband’s death? It was a process, but I came to the realization that because God is in control, everything happened according to his plan. He already knew how and when Tommy would die. So, no. The responsibility didn’t lie with me.
During times of grief and depression, it’s common to take on guilt that isn’t ours or amplify the guilt that is ours. None of us are God. If you do have these feelings, take it to God. Let him forgive—if you need it—and comfort you.
In Matthew 11:28-29, God says he’ll give you rest. But you have to go to him and ask for it.
I wrote a study guide on the book of Ruth. You can find the link here-https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FN6B7YP1 This blog series will follow along with each section of the book. I plan to post every Monday. If you’d like a reminder, please sign up to receive notification.
Next Post- https://andreaboyd11.com/2025/10/06/i-will-follow-him-ruth-114-17/
Andrea Boyd 